So I wrote this lyric yesterday. It's a kinda... well... sad song...
I can't let you hear what the songs sounds like with guitar, but I need your opinion 'bout it.

Comments and corrections are very very welcome/
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Everything seemed so bright and clear
Without you on her mind
A year of love, a year of joy
But it never had a chance
Time went by, she was over the moon
Only you on her mind
Never have you noticed
Never did you care

Happy from the outside
But torn deep inside
Try to let it all just be
Heart wounded and ripped
Laughing at school
But crying on her bed
Well if you chose to hurt her
Then beware
She’ll hurt you

Alone in her own little world
That no one understands
Pretending to be all just fine
The truth’s the opposite
No one really knows
What she feels or what she thinks
If love would really hurt
She would be bleeding to death

Happy from the outside
But torn deep inside
Try to let it all just be
Heart wounded and ripped
Laughing at school
But crying on her bed
Well if you chose to hurt her
Beware

The sharp cold steel
Is pressing on her pale skin
Salt tears and red drops
Are falling on the ground
You could’ve saved her
Saved her from her own damn self
She hated you for ignoring her
And hated herself for loving you

Now she’s torn from the outside
And torn deep inside
Gave up all pretending
And let her feelings go
The wounds on her heart
Are now wounds and scars on her
When hurting herself
She imagined
Hurting you

I like it. It really shows emotion, and that's what it's about in lyrics.

I'll do this in dutch:
Technical side: Bij het tweede coeplet, zijn de lettergrepen enzo heel anders dan bij de eerste. Is opzich niet erg, maar als je eerst de tekst schrijft en dan de muziek is het handiger dat dat ook een beetje klopt. Als je eerst muziek hebt geschreven en de tekst past, geen probleem.
Ik schrijf zelf al 5 jaar, niet dat die van mij goed zijn, maar dit soort dingetjes heb je nou eenmaal. Verder vind ik het hartstikke goed en het raakte me. Ik hoop dat je wat aan het advies hebt (en dat ik niet arrogant ofzo over ben gekomen, want dat is mijn bedoeling niet) :)

Wow I really like it! Somehow I can relate to the lyrics and that's why I like them :D

I'm glad I have the ability to write my feelings out, let my feelings out in the music.

Hmm zoiets dacht ik inderdaad al... maarja, ik heb t gister pas geschreven, dus het een en ander kan altijd nog worden verbeterd. Maar voor zover ik t nummer geoefend heb, gaat het goed :)

Lyrics are great if you can relate to them.

Veranderen kan altijd :wink

But I like 'em, don't get me wrong. I remember a time when I felt like that, so yeah, lyrics are great when you can relate :)

Yeahm it's great to have the feelings wiritten on paper. Usually I would let sucj negative feelings out another way, and I'm glad I found a new way of letting 'em out

Yeah, it's so nice to be able to write them out. It's indeed a great way to let it all loose :)

yeah, better than the way I use sometimes (if you know what I mean)

Yeah, I know what you mean. This is indeed a whole lot better!

:) :D

Hmm, next thing I need is a title...
I'm so bad at coming up with titles..
Anyone ideas?

oh this is amazing!!! damn!!! I really like it Jennifer!!! :D

:blush: Thank you!!!

you're welcome :huggie:

hug! I love hugs!
:huggie:

me too!!!!

:huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie:

yay hugs

:huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie: :huggie:

Damn good lyrics, I like them very much :)

I'll think of a title, but I can't guarantee anything :)

Ow thank you :blush:

I' m sure is gonna be great! :D

Nah, I don't think so, I suck at inventing titles...

I've got two, but I don't like them.

"Liquid Struggle" and "Borderline"

Personally I like the second one more


Edit: More titles: "Revenge", "Masquerade", "Useless Devotion"


Damn, I really suck at inventing titles :(
I'm sorry, they're no use :(

I like "Liquid Struggle" most :)
Thank you so much! :huggie:


Just one thing... I don't get the Borderline thingy, it has nothing to do with that.
But maybe you just didn't know :wink

told ya!!! "Liquid Struggle" kicks ass!!!! :horns:

So beautiful, I can relate to the lyrics. Great job :tu:

Thanks!