Okies, here's another one shot. I hope you all enjoy this one!!! :nanner: This was inspired in part by an actual conversation I had just a couple days ago .... :lol:



30 WAYS TO MURDER A BISCUIT

One day, long ago, sometime last week, James Hetfield was very hungry. He was so hungry he was actually considering eating something. He didn't care what it was, just as long as he could eat it.

He tried chewing on Lars Ulrich's arm, but Lars didn't like it. He tried eating Kirk Hammett's guitar, but Kirk didn't like that either, and James just didn't like the taste of his own shoes. Rob Trujillo had already run away, so James couldn't eat anything of Rob's.

Lars in the end grew so fed up with James' constant chewing, he said - "Fir Christ's sake, James, go to the freaking shop and buy something already, why don't you?"

"Why didn't I think of that?" James asked in horror. "I could murder a biscuit!!"

Rob ran back in again once he realised it was safe again to say - "How can you murder a biscuit?"

Kirk replied by saying - "Well, some of the ingredients were alive once, so I'm sure it could be considered murder to a point!!!"

"You have a point!" Rob agreed.

"I need a biscuit, murderous or not!!" James announced before getting up to leave.

He came back some time later, carrying armfuls of biscuits, before staring to steadily eat his way through them all.

Imagine how surprised he was when one of the biscuits bit him back ...

James screamed at the biscuit, as it chased him about the room.

Lars stood and laughted at James' plight, while Rob and Kirk hatched a plan to catch the murderous biscuit.

Once the plan was fully formed, Rob jumped in front of James and shouted - "FREEZE ME HOMIE!!!"

James was so stunned, he froze where he stood, whereupon the biscuit jumped on his back, to crawl up to his neck in an attempt to chew on it. The biscuit would have succeeded if not for the timely intervetion of Kirk, who plucked the biscuit from James' body with slender fingers before the murderous biscuit could do any damage.

"Thank you, Kirky, you'ew my hero, let me kiss you!!!" James said, homing in on the guitarist who pushed him away in horror.

"Leave it, James, not now, I'm alright!!!" Kirk said, with a shake of his head which sent his curly hair flying around his face, as he stepped away from the reaching vocalist.

The biscuit twitched between his fingers, and he all but flung the biscuit away from his body, with a cry and look of horror on his face, before the biscuit smashed upon the furhtest wall.

Amazingly, the biscuit regrouped, piecing itself together from all of it's biscuity shards and crumbs, until it had returned to normal again, albeit rather crumbly.

The biscuit crawled its way back to James, who promptly stamped on it.

The same thing happened with the regrouping ...

No matter what our heroes in Metallica tried, the biscuit always came crawling straight back, heading straight for James...

"If anyone asks what we have been doing today, all we have to say to them is - we found 30 ways to murder a biscuit ... "Kirk muttered, as Rob's face lit up with an idea.

"I've got an idea!" he said.

"What is it? Tell us already?" Lars grumbled, looking exhausted from chasing a mad biscuit around the room.

Kirk flooped himself down in a nearby chair looking exhausted himself, curly hair sticking to his forehead in sweaty strands.

"We eat it!" Rob announced.

"Who wants to eat a homicidal biscuit?" James asked, in horror.

"I will!" Rob said, bravely, adopting a brave stance.

Lars eyed him warily, before asking - "Are you really that hungry?"

"Yes and desperate to get rid of a maniac biscuit!" Rob sauid, before picking up the biscuit and chomping steadily and bravely on the offending item.

Once he'd managed to swallow the whole lot, everyone watched him carefully, before he shrugged and said - "I'm okay!"

His eyes suddenly grew large in his head, before he grabbed his stomach and groaned loudly.

"Rob! You stupid man! You shouldn't have done it!" James said in alarm, before realizing that Rob had actually started to laugh.

"I'm fine!! And I think It's gone for good!" Rob announced with some relief.

"Keeping my eye on you just in case!" Lars said, darkly, still examining the bassist with a shifty eye.

Rob merely smiled and the day continued with no further mishaps.

There was no explanation as to why the biscuit turned homicidal, but needless to say, none of our heroes in Metallica ever visited that shop never ever again!!!



THE END!!!


:rockdevil:

:horns: :lol: :horns2

that was funny: Rob shouting "FREEZE ME HOMIE!!"

Biscuit!! AHAHAHAHA
Okay, I'll never eat biscuits EVER again :lol: :lol:

HAHAHA
That was brilliant :lol:
It totally made my day

Thank you Lyssa, Jennifer and Lolo - it is much appreciated! :huggie: I'm glad you enjoyed that one!!! :wink

when are you going to write agin?

:horns: :lol: :horns2

Soon, hopefully, Lyssa ... I already have another idea or two in the works, so hopefully I should be posting another story soon!!! :nanner:

Yeah, I sure did...
You know, it's hard to not laugh when somebody in the supermarket I work at buys biscuits :lol:

Absolutely crazy - but absolutely fabulous! I just laughed so hard at that - the way you wrote it it was just so clear in my mind and the images were hilarious :) Rock on chick - you rule!

:lol: hehe, Jennifer, how ace is that??? :wink :lol:

And thank you very much, Shayi ( :blush: I'm sorry but I don't know your real name - my name's Sarah btw!! :wavey ) I'm glad you liked it!!! :huggie: :rockdevil:

Omg, that's a pure brilliance!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Every single word of it! I hope you don't mind I posted it (with your name) in our work forum's fun page?

Thank you once again, Hrisi, it is much appreciated. And of course I don't mind it being posted on your work forum, as long as I am given credit for it, which you have!! :rockdevil:

Sarah, that was amazing!!!!!! :nanner: and so fuckin' funny!!!!!!!!! :lol: Metallica and the mad biscuit!!!!!!! :lol: I really laughed my ass off! :D you did a very good job, can't wait to read some more of you :biggrin :heart:

Thank you Angela!! I am glad that you enjoyed that - it's much appreciated!!! :huggie: Hopefully I will be getting on to writing more soon!!! :nanner:

looking forward to it!!! :wink :heart:

ME TOO!!! I can't explain you my happiness every time I see you've posted something new :heart: